krystenchaos

it'd make me feel accomplished if i could just write a song.

ya know what?? try to punch me then. bring it on. BRING IT THE FUCK ON, motherfucker.

totally opposite from what i just posted but whatever...

i am so fuckin ANGRY at my family in virginia. my cousin katie's whole stupid fuckin marriage ruined everyone. everybody's acting crazy and being angry at each other and katie is stuck in her own little fairy tale world. and my aunt becky is acting like her best friend. for some reason she's SO involved in this whole situation. and it makes me so ANGRY. every little thing that katie and travis post, becky "likes." grow the fuck up. like it isn't obvious that the little comments are directed towards the people in your family who aren't happy with your decisions. i want to slap everybody down there. i can't believe it. i really want nothing to do with half of them. or actually...just katie and travis, and becky and kevin. they're like a little fuckin bff group. it's disgusting behavior. and on top of it, they try to justify everything they do by quoting the bible. get off of your fuckin high horses and stop being self-righteous assholes. nobody else is in the wrong but you. i really want to just punch becky and kevin. and then kick katie and travis's asses. or i wish they'd just move to a fuckin island and never come back. like i really don't expect to speak to katie ever again. and basically, ever since she's moved there, her excuse is ALWAYS that she's "slammed. so busy. no time." well, fuck you. i work two jobs. i have shit to take care of, too. i have a life filled with responsibilities. and i make time. that's what it's about. MAKING time. time isn't handed to you. you find it. words will never describe how i feel about this situation, and towards my family...the handful of people who ALWAYS gave me hope and who i always glowed when talking about. all of that is shot to fuckin hell. and it's going to take a long, long times to get over that.

i just need to write down what the hell i owe.


brookdale
capitol one
centrastate


okay, maybe that's it.

why the FUCK should this bother me?






it all goes back to you. so i fucking hate you. you bitch. and to top it off, NOBODY understands how i fucking feel. so you can all go to hell.

this is going to be SO much fuckin harder than i anticipated. i can't do it.

I'D RATHER BE MOTHER FUCKING NUMB.

i need to fucking scream.

i hide behind laughter and anger. and i need to figure out why.

i think tara and i should be mermain man and barnacle boy for halloween. because that would just be awesome.

APOCDJPEFPOWIHEOFJWPOEJ0WHDEIWEJBIOWHSEO0BH9H0H0
IT KILLS ME WHEN YOU TALK LIKE THAT. i wish you cared.

i'm exhausted. my finger is worse. i'm STARVING. which reminds me...i have food waiting for me. yay.

well, it sucks to know i haven't at all progressed from that last entry. what a roller coaster. as time goes on, i just come to realize more and more things...and they aren't even good things. just things i need to do that will probably make things better in the long run...but are terrifingly hard right now. ahhh this sucks.

i'm putting my trust into the wrong people. and i don't know why. and they're people i can't pull away from somehow.

this is going to take a long time to do. and until i do it, i'm going to keep feeling this way with all of these mixed emotions that i can't even share with anyone. because i have no one in my life currently who understands me. and no matter how much i reiterate myself...still, nobody will get it. this empty, alone, insecure feeling is killing me. and it makes everyone around me look like a let down. and it makes me want to run away. but i'm STUCK here. and it's horrible.

i should be in the shower right now, getting ready for work, but i can't even bring myself to wipe the mascara away from underneath my eyes. knowing that i'll just be at work in 45 min kills me. that place depresses me. and i HATE depending on it for insurance i still can't have yet.

i don't know how or what to think.

i'm just...worried.

NOBODY understands. and it hurts that nobody even tries to.

i want to talk to you.

i want to be captain crunch. don't let me forget.

i need a good day to just get my school work done. it's been weighing so heavily on my mind, and i know it's not as much as i'm making it seem like it is. but i just need to get it done asap.

and talking to kaitlyn is just weird now. i want to slap her and tell her that my brother is NOT a bad person. he's just done bad things, and won't stop going in the wrong direction. i know he will come around one day, it just probably won't be soon. i love him so much. and i understand him more than people think i do. i'm not making excuses for him. but i just wish he'd be the person i know he is, so people believe what i have to say about him.

i should go to sleep. i have to get up for class in 7 hours. actually, i have my alarm set for 8. for some reason i've been waking up earlier, or trying to. i feel more energetic that way. it's weird. i'm becoming somewhat of a morning person...

once school is over, and i clean my room, and i do some birthday things, i will feel SO much more accomplished than anybody can even begin to understand.

why
do
i
bother
with
ANYONE?

i like taylor swift.